Behold Thy Mother

Have you ever witnessed a dying mother? How do you feel? As a nurse, I have seen numerous incidents such this inside the hospital wards way back when I was still a nursing student. At this moment, witnessing a dying woman is not really new to me. Though it’s quite difficult for us like me as a nurse to see a person having their last breath but I am already used to this. It’s part of my profession. However, my first ever encounter where I really witnessed a dying mother was when I was at grade school. How do I feel then? My feeling at that moment was completely vague. Am I worried? Nervous? Panicky? That time, I was really clueless of what was going on? I don’t have any notion of an impending death. I never had an idea of signs of stroke. What I know, I never failed to wonder and asked the mother, what was wrong? But, the mother never uttered clear and comprehensible words to my queries but only slurry and blurry words. Sadly, that woman was my mother - my first encounter of a dying mother.

1973. Mama and Papa's wed.

Way back 1991, 4 days before Christmas, my friends together with my brother and I were outside of our house because we were rendering Christmas carols in our neighborhoods. We usually did this every night without fail to earn some extra money and save this for we have something to buy on Christmas day. We were in the middle of the caroling when my elder sister called me to go home immediately and attend our sari-sari store and our mother because she said she needs to go to the pharmacy to buy some pain reliever for my mother’s toothache. Right away, I bid goodbye to my friends and to my brother and hurriedly went home. I saw her gait  was so unsteadily and her hands were holding the edge of the dining table. So I helped my mother to walk and took her to sit in the chair. The very first thing I noticed with my mother was her hair was still damp and uncombed. Perhaps, she just took a bath. But what bothered me most was she had trouble with speaking and could hardly speak some words. Also her lips were uneven.

                “Is there anything wrong mama?” I asked repeatedly.

But she just mumbled. She could not even open her mouth properly. I know something wrong was happening but I don’t know what exactly it was. My sister only told me our mother had toothache so I assumed all those unusual gestures of my mother were already signs of a life-threatening attack. She slowly raised her hand pointing the face towel hanged in the opposite chair. So I reached it and tried to pat my mother’s damp hair. However, when I was patting her hair, bit by bit she slides in her chair and I struggled to put her back in the chair. At that moment, a customer approached to our store’s window and knocked his coin several times (as a gesture to buy something). Probably wondering what he saw from us, he asked me what was going on. I said I don’t know, look at my mama. When he observed my mother’s condition, he hurriedly shouted and asked for help to our neighbors.

                “Na-stroke si Tya Glo!” that’s what I hardly heard when he shouted.

Two to 3 persons suddenly went inside our house and carried my mother with their bare hands. As they were taking my mother outside our house, I was left standing stunned and helpless. I don’t know what to do. People were starting to flock in and outside our house trying to ask me what happened but I don’t know what to say. What would I say? I never had seen a person experiencing a stroke. Only tear drops are what I could answer.

That night, I really prayed numerous times to God to keep mama okay. I prayed that I hope I could still see her tomorrow and nothing’s bad would happen. I don’t know what time I fell asleep that night but I was certain my mind was troubled and worried.

Morning after, Papa woke us up (normally he do this to us every morning) and said to prepare because we were going to our auntie’s house (mama’s sister) for our mother’s wake. Then tears fell down.

Mama and my eldest sister

I lived with my mother for 11 years. At present, I was living without my mother for exactly 20 years. In that span of 11 years, I never had the chance to express how I truly love her. How I wish I would have the chance to date her in an exclusive restaurant or in 3D movie theatre, give her a gift of her wish, or even a simple card or note of “I love you” and “thank you”. There were so many wish lists in my mind but it always ended only in prayers. There were times, I envied others for during special occasions, their family was complete and mine was not. Others were accompanied by their mothers during enrolment but I was solo. Perhaps, living in the absence of a mother trained as to be independent and value mother’s role. Her only decade-presence taught me and my siblings to respect our father always as well as honor other mothers. For we know, based from our personal experience, a mother’s love and care is unconditional but limited. So today, although as simple as this, I would like to salute all mothers out there especially to my late mother – Happy Mother's Day!! You are truly loved.