Blank

For a month long, vast ideas were lingering inside my mind and I wanted it posted in this blog. But these words were just hanging on and waiting for them to be released and be put into writing. These thoughts were never freed. Imagine those broken and complex unorganized thoughts that it is so huge my entire brain cannot comprehend and it simply freezes once I sit in front of my laptop. The outcome – a blank.

Perhaps, this is just one of the effects of having a cerebrum not trained or may I say not born into depth, fine writing and extemporaneous speaking. Ever since when I was in grade school, good command of English writing and speaking is my utmost weak point. At all times, I struggle in this subject. That is why I actually despised topic reports and essay type of questions in my periodic examinations during my high school years. My words are insufficient to express my point of views on a certain topic. I never known the words before that melancholy is synonymous with sad; omnipotence to power, and profligate to extravagant. Correct grammar is also not my thing. I had also a hard grasp on the effects of the subject to its predicates: the s-verb thing. Every time we had exams such this either in high school or college, I often burn my eyebrows beforehand. After years of study and understanding, the s-verb thing rule was somehow instilled in my brain cells: If the subject is singular, the linking verb or the verb is plural and vice versa.

I admit I envy others who could write good stories or articles. I know few of the good writers either in history or contemporary time, they were born with it. Such talent is in their blood (How blessed they are!). But, how about those some who are ungifted, including myself? My keen interest in writing is only just lately. Maybe few years back. I guess, I was inspired to read and write more by my own weakness for me to learn. By engaging my free time to writing and reading, I assumed I have given myself the best opportunity of developing my weak points. I gained self-confidence in every unfamiliar word I read in the newspapers, online articles or even in the books and I could apply it in my own writing – most especially in this blog, the online blog that I started just this year. This merely expresses my way of thinking about all things. I, being the official member of the semi-introvert-type of person since a kid and who was haply and subconsciously aggravated by the early demise of my loving mother when I was in grade school, writing somehow distances myself of being solitude and concealed. I remembered the times when one of our subject teachers in 4^th-year high school asked us to individually relay a message to each one of our classmates before we part away. Nearly all of them except those I used to be friends with wrote in a piece of paper saying I had a very timid personality – because I rarely talk with them. And I was aware of that thing. For my lifetime, I have been correcting my perplexed attitude towards relationship with others and strangers. Seriously, I need this change put into effect at full liberty - freedom of initiating a conversation with strangers without reluctance, insecurities, and reservation.

With all these weaknesses in my brain and my will of my heart to learn, a blank document is might be a temporary thing. I wish my continuous learning through writing and constant interaction with others will slowly alter my circumstances. In God’s time, I wish for no blank outcomes. By realizing this wish, maybe it’s enough for me to say that I have reached the peak of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.